My life is stupid!
There I have typed it and even said it out loud. My life is stupid.
I so want to know what my purpose here on earth is. I want to know. I have looked death in the eye a number of times but survived, so there has to be a reason. Doesn't there? Or is Earth really hell, and death would let us go to heaven?
So why do I think my life is stupid? Well here goes.
1) I am an educated, independent woman. Due to injuries incurred by an idiot that ran a red light I am unable to live my life the way I had envisioned it. I am in pain daily and have restricted use of my body and the pain takes a terrible tole on my energy. I am forced to work at a job at a level so far below my education level that it is ridiculus. What is worse is that I even have trouble doing that job within the confines of my energy and concentration. There is no way it should take the time that it takes me to do it, but it does.
2) My husband is a educated man as well. However he can make more money in the oil industry doing grunt work than he can working at what he is trained in. That sucks. Not only does it take him away from home all week long but it leaves him in pain as well. There is no family time.
3) We have no quality time. During the week I am just trying to survive. Get up in the morning do what has to be done and get back to bed at night. That is it. On the weekend trying to do stuff I couldn't do during the week, and husband is trying to do everything that he can that I am unable to do. This leaves no time at all for fun, time together, or that buzz word Quality.
4) The vehicle I drive every day is a Ford Areostar early 80's vintage. A rusted out pile of junk. It was abandoned at a garage I used to work at. For the cost of a new tranny we got a mini-van. But it is a piece of junk. The passenger window will not go up and down, there is no air conditioning, it has lap belts in the back seat versus shoulder belts, the shifter comes off in your hand all the time. And the stupid thing is I have a 1985 corvette sitting in the garage. Only holds two people though. In all truth though I bought that car before I knew how injured I really was, before the kids came along, it was used and cheap when I bought it, and it is paid for. I also own a sidekick. Which I need in the winter. But it is a little thing only two doors, and no room for anything in it when the two kids are with me. The stupid thing is, even if we were to get rid of all the vehicles I still would not have enought money to buy a reliable daily driver.
5) I have no friends. None. My DH, my Mom, and not a single soul in the world that I can call up and share good news with or have a shoulder to cry on. No one.
6) I am involved in a little cyber world all of its own. But are the people really who they say they are? I have been burnt on that end too. People can be so above reproach on the boards but so absolutely evil in PM's. How is it that people can be so two faced? But then that happens in real life as well as the cyber world though. I can really say though that the cypber world has kept me going over the last year. I have "met" some amazing people there and formed I hope some wonderful relationships. Are they artificial, I don't know. But I do know that only what you want to share is shared.
7) Stupid life reason number seven.
Two educated adults working as hard as they can, and not even being able to live from paycheck to paycheck. This is horrid, beyond all hope. See I was hurt in an accident that was not my fault. Good case for a lawsuit right? wrong. Took the guy to court and the judge decided I did not deserve anything as the accident had not caused my injuries. Well that left us tonnes in debt. The decision was so unjust that I was persuaded to appeal the decision. Well we won the appeal, which just left me with more debt to face. And the entire cost of a new trial as well. That is justice for you. I am the injured party, I am in debt hundreds of thousands of dollars due to someone elses actions and he got to walk away paying I think a $35 dollar fine. Stupid stupid stupid.
Without the interest overhead on this debt (we are not even touching the principle of it) maybe we could afford a reliable vehicle.
Maybe maybe maybe.... guess that is a dangerous question just like what IF.
So yes I think my life is stupid.
Stupid stupid stupid. That is what it is. I tell you. I am seriously wondering why I am even here.
I so want to know what my purpose here on earth is. I want to know. I have looked death in the eye a number of times but survived, so there has to be a reason. Doesn't there? Or is Earth really hell, and death would let us go to heaven?
So why do I think my life is stupid? Well here goes.
1) I am an educated, independent woman. Due to injuries incurred by an idiot that ran a red light I am unable to live my life the way I had envisioned it. I am in pain daily and have restricted use of my body and the pain takes a terrible tole on my energy. I am forced to work at a job at a level so far below my education level that it is ridiculus. What is worse is that I even have trouble doing that job within the confines of my energy and concentration. There is no way it should take the time that it takes me to do it, but it does.
2) My husband is a educated man as well. However he can make more money in the oil industry doing grunt work than he can working at what he is trained in. That sucks. Not only does it take him away from home all week long but it leaves him in pain as well. There is no family time.
3) We have no quality time. During the week I am just trying to survive. Get up in the morning do what has to be done and get back to bed at night. That is it. On the weekend trying to do stuff I couldn't do during the week, and husband is trying to do everything that he can that I am unable to do. This leaves no time at all for fun, time together, or that buzz word Quality.
4) The vehicle I drive every day is a Ford Areostar early 80's vintage. A rusted out pile of junk. It was abandoned at a garage I used to work at. For the cost of a new tranny we got a mini-van. But it is a piece of junk. The passenger window will not go up and down, there is no air conditioning, it has lap belts in the back seat versus shoulder belts, the shifter comes off in your hand all the time. And the stupid thing is I have a 1985 corvette sitting in the garage. Only holds two people though. In all truth though I bought that car before I knew how injured I really was, before the kids came along, it was used and cheap when I bought it, and it is paid for. I also own a sidekick. Which I need in the winter. But it is a little thing only two doors, and no room for anything in it when the two kids are with me. The stupid thing is, even if we were to get rid of all the vehicles I still would not have enought money to buy a reliable daily driver.
5) I have no friends. None. My DH, my Mom, and not a single soul in the world that I can call up and share good news with or have a shoulder to cry on. No one.
6) I am involved in a little cyber world all of its own. But are the people really who they say they are? I have been burnt on that end too. People can be so above reproach on the boards but so absolutely evil in PM's. How is it that people can be so two faced? But then that happens in real life as well as the cyber world though. I can really say though that the cypber world has kept me going over the last year. I have "met" some amazing people there and formed I hope some wonderful relationships. Are they artificial, I don't know. But I do know that only what you want to share is shared.
7) Stupid life reason number seven.
Two educated adults working as hard as they can, and not even being able to live from paycheck to paycheck. This is horrid, beyond all hope. See I was hurt in an accident that was not my fault. Good case for a lawsuit right? wrong. Took the guy to court and the judge decided I did not deserve anything as the accident had not caused my injuries. Well that left us tonnes in debt. The decision was so unjust that I was persuaded to appeal the decision. Well we won the appeal, which just left me with more debt to face. And the entire cost of a new trial as well. That is justice for you. I am the injured party, I am in debt hundreds of thousands of dollars due to someone elses actions and he got to walk away paying I think a $35 dollar fine. Stupid stupid stupid.
Without the interest overhead on this debt (we are not even touching the principle of it) maybe we could afford a reliable vehicle.
Maybe maybe maybe.... guess that is a dangerous question just like what IF.
So yes I think my life is stupid.
Stupid stupid stupid. That is what it is. I tell you. I am seriously wondering why I am even here.
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