Oscarisms

After my SCA I couldn't remember the initials ICD let alone implantable Cardioverter defibrillator. Could not do it. While referring to it, it became that THING, the Thingy, you know the Thing. Then it needed removed. Months later I was going back under for a new fangled subcutaneous one. It was to be called a Thing 2. But upon waking up I'm told, Thing 2, died a quick death, and therefore Thing 3 was in me. Thing, Thing 2, and Thing 3. Altogether have caused untold pain in my life. Four surgeries in total. Implant, Explant, Debridement, and Implant. The initial implant site under my left collarbone can hurt like hell. It's a strong deep ache at times. The actual device sitting along my left ribs though causes PAIN. Red hot fiery pain. Without being careful, bending over can feel like the device is tearing it's way out of me. Something simple like tie-ing shoes, is agony. Lower cupboards, the fridge, items off floor can cause me to see stars the pain is so sever

My son, my little boy, not so little any more actually, did something these past four months so far outside his comfort zone that I'm not sure I could be any prouder of him ever. The Aspergers kid, the autistic one, you know, "that" kid. The one no one is friends with, the one that is always left out, the one that always feels alone. Yeah, him. As an option in the first term of Grade 7 he was stuck in both Art, a disaster waiting to happen, and Drama, a what were they thinking choice. Art, the place where you get dirty, you touch texture things, stuff gets under your nails, stuff is on you after washing. The absolute worst place a sensory kid could be. He touched the clay, he moulded the clay, he had an idea in his mind and he brought it to life. He shaped, formed, and fired a Tar Pit Monster. Then he painted and glazed it. I get this call will you come pick me up? He didn't want it broken on the bus. It's awesome. Drama, the kid that can't stand even putt

My fear, anxiety , my absolute terror of needles, dentists, blood had me hyperventilating and crying in the chair at the dentist before I even saw The dentist. I felt like a complete baby yet had no control over any of it. Is this my new normall? I received  the lecture on trying to save the tooth with a root canal and crown but no guarantees. Without that tooth I have nothing on that side to chew with or hold my top plates in place. This in turn will trigger my TMJ.  Me the person that is phobic about proper oral hygiene and freaks out at bad teeth, has this issue and three other cavities. I'm heartbroken, scared and just horrified. Simple $$$ dictates it be pulled. The dentist very sneakily snuck in the first needle and it hurt. It was like a huge electrical shock against my tongue and cheek.  The tooth disintegrated under the tool, and needed to be drilled out. It was terrible.  It froze well but lots of pressure. How do I make the change so the rest of my life is no