fear, anxiety, my absolute terror

My fear, anxiety, my absolute terror of needles, dentists, blood had me hyperventilating and crying in the chair at the dentist before I even saw The dentist. I felt like a complete baby yet had no control over any of it. Is this my new normall?
I received  the lecture on trying to save the tooth with a root canal and crown but no guarantees. Without that tooth I have nothing on that side to chew with or hold my top plates in place. This in turn will trigger my TMJ. 
Me the person that is phobic about proper oral hygiene and freaks out at bad teeth, has this issue and three other cavities. I'm heartbroken, scared and just horrified. Simple $$$ dictates it be pulled.
The dentist very sneakily snuck in the first needle and it hurt. It was like a huge electrical shock against my tongue and cheek. 
The tooth disintegrated under the tool, and needed to be drilled out. It was terrible.  It froze well but lots of pressure.

How do I make the change so the rest of my life is not filled with fear and anxiety? How? 

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