She Should be Happy but shes NOT

I hate life.

Life sucks, it is not fair, I hate it. Those are harsh things to say but they are true. So very very true. Especially for me. No matter what I try to do, nothing turns out the way I anticipate. Am I stupid? I don't think so. Maybe I am just naive. Could be? Maybe I just do not think and feel the way other people do. Maybe I am just an exception to the human race. I have a wonderful daughter, a cute son, a husband that when he is home and sober is awesome, a cool car, a professional career. What more is there? You ask? Well I would like to have a single second out of each and every day where I do not feel pain. Is that too much to ask? I would like to be able to smile and feel it in my heart. Is that too much to ask? I would like the sun to shine and actully feel the warmth of it ease the pain of my soul. Is that too much to ask? A time when I did not have to worry? Worry about what you say? Well I worry about our finances, I worry about the state the world is in, I worry that I am a horrible mother, I worry that my body will just give out on me one day and then what would happen to my kids, I worry about people spying on me. I worry about the open lawsuit that I am involved in. I was horribly hurt and face disabilities for the rest of my life because of it. However I would have been in a better financial position to just walk away. Justice does not exist. A guy got to pay a $35 dollare fine for destroying my life. Great. I worry that my mind will just implode one day and no longer be able to fuction. I worry. How and why am I ever going to find the strength to go on in a life that I hate. How, where will that strenght come from?

Comments

Christy said…
I love this Oscar! I am so glad you jumped in the loop. I will be checkin again!

ck
2:51 PM
Kristin K Stock said…
HELLO Oscar......glad you are here with us in Blog world..Kristin
4:42 PM
~Denise said…
Oh Oscar... I so wish that I could help you. Please know that you are in my prayers. {{{HUGS}}}
6:02 PM
Nancyroo said…
i think we all feel like this some days, Oscar. Sounds like you need a vacation. Even if it's just for a weekend away. Let DH take care of the kids for a few days and relax.
6:58 AM
Teri said…
Hi Oscar

Let me quote what Bertrand Russell~British philosopher~ said about life....
"Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim."
So don't be a victim of your life. Good luck
2:28 PM
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