A Chapter in my life ends

Actually two chapters in my life are ended. And I am upset about both of them and know that I shouldn't be but I am.

Chapter 1: No more breastfeeding

Well I knew it had to happen but I was not prepared for it. Son stopped nursing. Saturday morning he crawled in bed with me and we shared our special time together and then he has not been interested ever since. Taking into account that I have been pregnant or breastfeeding since October of 1999 I should be ready to have my body back. But I just mentally am not. It makes me sad. Maybe I really wasn't ready not to have any more babies. Maybe I still mourn the one I never had the chance to have. But seven years of my life, is a large percentage of it. And now the chapter is closed. Now I can go get a good bra fitting done. My girls can stand up and be proud. They can go back to being solely sex objects, maybe getting my body back means I can finally break the 210 mark and loose more weight. I seemed to be stuck there forever. My little one turned 3 on Friday so it is 1096 days that I nutured him, bonded with him, and spent that special time with him. Maybe my daughter will quit being quite so jealous. I am not sure, it just makes me feel so empty inside.

Chapter 2: No marriage not with my current guy not now not ever
This is something I have known his views on but I think somewhere in my mind I figured one day he would love me enough to marry me. But something happened Friday to make me realize it will not ever happen. This chapter of my life is closed. I was laying on the bed in pain my back was killing me. I was watching Dr. Phil. There was a quest on there that wanted a big wedding but the bride didn't. Myles makes one of his assbackwards comments. WHy the hell would anyone want to get married anyways? He was surprised it was the man that wanted the big wedding not the bride. So he says I still don't think marriage means a thing so why bother. It was like a light bulb going off inside my head. Why the heck would I want to get married to a guy that thinks marriage is nothing. Certainly not me. I want to be married to someone who would value the marriage and value me. So that chapter of my life is closed too.

Chapter 3:
I just realized this. But another chapter is starting. My daughter starts grade one the last day of this month and I have a little boy not a toddler. I guess those are good chapters to be starting.

Comments

Lori Petticrew said…
hugs and looking toward the bright future!
11:03 AM
Nancyroo said…
It is sad to see the little ones growing up. hugs to you!
5:26 PM
Unknown said…
Hugs for you sweetie, a new chapter of your life is starting, new and amazing thing for your future, look forward this bright future!!
12:13 PM
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