How to be a Mom......



My DS who is 3 comes running up to me last night at daycare "What took you so long Mom?" I say work. He says maybe you shouldn't do it if it takes that long.

This brings back to me two things I have recently heard from people that I know. One is a newly divorced SAHM, that is being forced into the working world. She thinks that it is horrid that her kids now have to go to daycare. Another one is being offered an opportunity to work at home, and she is horrified that she would have to take her daughter out of daycare and have her at home.

It is an age old arguement - SAH kids are better versus worse, daycare kids are worse versus better. I hate it. We have to do what he have to do, there should be no judging at all. I have always hated having to have my kids in other peoples care. I really hate it. On the other hand I know that they are learning and being exposed to things that I could never do if I had them at home with me. It tears me.


I didn't get a manual when I became a Mom, somehow I missed it being passed out. Maybe I was in the horror of childbirth at the time and missed it. I would love to have a manaual. Cause sometimes I think I am the worlds worst Mom. I have a daughter that has sleep issues. She has night terrors, walks in her sleep, and does not sleep past 3 am. She is a very energetic loveable little girl, that at times just drains me of energy just watching her. I have a DS that will not sleep in the evening, he is up till 12 or 1 am night after night after night. So I the Mom, as Dad is working away, gets a lump sum of about 2 - 3 hours sleep. I as a sleep deprived Mom, gets grumpy loses her temper and regrets it royally. I give daughter a big hug before she goes to school today, and tell her that no matter how grumpy I am how much I yell I love her very very much, and nothing she could ever do would change how much I love her. For some reason this made her burst into tears, and she rushed out the door to catch the bus.

DS was all smiles and happy to go to daycare today, big hugs and kisses bye and off he went.

I just feel that I am failing as a mother. I need help but am not even sure what kind of help I need. I am tired, I do not feel well, and trying to work full time, be a Mom to my kids, run the house, and just survive is taking its toll on me. Totally taking its toll on me. I cry myself, so no wonder the kids do.

I tell them that I absolutely hate fighting yet the #1 activity in the house is fighting. Verbal fighting is out of control. I catch myself telling them that if they scream at me I will scream at them and I CAN SCREAM A LOT LOUDER. It is a horrible thing and I recognize it as such, and no matter how hard I try I can't seem to stop.

I hate my lack of mothering skills, and don't know where to get them.

The top picture is a prime example, Austin brings me this beautiful picture, and I say "oh sweetie the lakes are beautiful" He crumples into tears, its not lakes mom, it is socks with balls in them. OOOPPPSSSS, I have damaged him forever. How could I not know not to ever assume what an art is. HOW?

So this Mothers Day what I want is to know how to be a Mom, a good Mom, the supermom that others are. I owe that to my children, to have the proper Mom, not a dysfunctional one like me.

Comments

Lori Petticrew said…
hugs....and more hugs....i fight with dd too and i wish i could be there for her during the day, but i have to support her. so your okay just remember you have food on the table and shelter if head...
bless you
12:34 PM
Leslie said…
oh sweetie we all have these moments...as you can see from my post on my blog. trust that you are a good mother...they love you and trust you to care for them (and you do wholeheartedly). You will have raised two wonderful children and you can be proud of that down the line. They are beautiful, loved, precious, and taken care of by a wonderful you.
3:34 PM
Anonymous said…
I think everyone must have those feelings too. I think it is normal. But you love them, and provide for them, and take care of them. THAT is love, and THAT is more than many people do for their children. THAT makes you a good mother. Maybe, instead of trying to correct what you feel you are doing wrong (tho everyone can improve), maybe you could figure out why they have such wonky sleep habits. Then maybe you will get a good night's rest, because that can make a world of difference. (hugs)
10:29 PM
Cheyenne said…
Saw the picture first, said to myself that's a sock, then I read what you wrote. Geez mommy, that's a sock don't you know?
I didn't get a manual either and my daughter turned out OK. Yours will too. Have faith. Love is all they need.
11:30 PM
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