Tears from the heart
I have been crying today, my face is all red and splotchy. Not a pretty face to behold.
I had a major pain flare in my neck, shoulder and back during the night Saturday. To the point that I was unable to lift my own head up. I had to use the two edges of the pillow and try to get up that way. That is pretty dang scary when this happens. DH rubbed some heat linament stuff in it off and all day and I self medicated with prescription drugs. Nothing seemed to help. I sat on my chair looking like a deflated hollow shell. I was able to look straight ahead and not to either side. My arm had so much numbness in it, I could hold nothing in my arm without dropping it. The kids knew something was wrong and pretty much made themselves scarce in their rooms for the day. I managed to watch MASH on deja-view. Once in a while peeking in at the game to see who was winning. I sincerely hope there is a family in Indiana that had some joy in their house last night. I hope anyway.
DH left for work at the unjoyable hour of 4 am. I had a broken sleep last night due to pain. When I got up at 7 this morning my little one was adamant that he was NOT going to daycare. So I had to ensure Alexis was out for the bus on time and then contend with a wild three year old tantrum. After screaming from 7 am till 8:30 when we got to daycare, he was exhausted, all he wanted to do was lay down and sleep. I cryed and cryed and cryed. I literally walked out of the centre crying, and sat in the cold vehichle in the parking lot crying. I hate having him so unhappy. I hate it. AND I get it at the other end too, cause when I go to pick him up at night he does not want to leave, so once again I get the crying sad little guy, that I made that way. I hope he grows and develops mentally enough to have this end soon. It is getting too much for me.
I had a major pain flare in my neck, shoulder and back during the night Saturday. To the point that I was unable to lift my own head up. I had to use the two edges of the pillow and try to get up that way. That is pretty dang scary when this happens. DH rubbed some heat linament stuff in it off and all day and I self medicated with prescription drugs. Nothing seemed to help. I sat on my chair looking like a deflated hollow shell. I was able to look straight ahead and not to either side. My arm had so much numbness in it, I could hold nothing in my arm without dropping it. The kids knew something was wrong and pretty much made themselves scarce in their rooms for the day. I managed to watch MASH on deja-view. Once in a while peeking in at the game to see who was winning. I sincerely hope there is a family in Indiana that had some joy in their house last night. I hope anyway.
DH left for work at the unjoyable hour of 4 am. I had a broken sleep last night due to pain. When I got up at 7 this morning my little one was adamant that he was NOT going to daycare. So I had to ensure Alexis was out for the bus on time and then contend with a wild three year old tantrum. After screaming from 7 am till 8:30 when we got to daycare, he was exhausted, all he wanted to do was lay down and sleep. I cryed and cryed and cryed. I literally walked out of the centre crying, and sat in the cold vehichle in the parking lot crying. I hate having him so unhappy. I hate it. AND I get it at the other end too, cause when I go to pick him up at night he does not want to leave, so once again I get the crying sad little guy, that I made that way. I hope he grows and develops mentally enough to have this end soon. It is getting too much for me.
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