Oscarisms

1. endowed with sensation; having perception through the senses. 2. readily or excessively affected by external agencies or influences. 3. having acute mental or emotional sensibility; aware of and responsive to the feelings of others. 4. easily pained, annoyed, etc. I am sensitive, emotionally, physically. I live in chronic pain, which makes my skin extremely sensitive. There are days that I cannot even stand clothing to touch me. My mind is like that too. I feel to much, take too much to heart, I am over sensitive to feelings, perceptions, opinions. Yet at the same time I often miss what others are feeling. Somehow I just don't recognize others feelings the way that I feel my own. An hour north of me it hit -51 wind chill last night, here it hit -49 according to the radio. I drove again, and man the roads are slippery.

A word to describe myself is shy: I have the hardest time in the world having attention drawn to myself. From the time I was a very small child and knowing I had to make myself invisible in order to be overlooked. I am shy. I am okay sometimes in situations that are one on one, but in a large group of people I have a difficult time. Call it anxiety, call it being an introvert, I just am shy. On the flip side of that though I love public speaking. I can be the centre of attention then, with people that I do not know, that I do not have to worry about their opinions of me, I can command the attention that I so often avoid in my every day life. Being shy also means I often do not speak up for myself, when I really should. It means that I miss opportunities. I am not a social butterfly. All because I am shy. The winter watch was out Friday, it did not hit, I got to go to my 12 hour crop Saturday and when I went home Sunday Morning at 12:30 it was cool, but clear and nice. When I

A word to describe myself is a reader. I read, and I read, and I read. I read cereal boxes for the upteenth time, I read novels, I read fiction, I read non-fiction. I read. My house as a child had many books in it from auctions. I could read a book and escape totally from where I was. Reading took me to places, and experiences that I never ever thought I would have the chance to experience myself. In college I read and read and read, texts and more texts and more texts. I never had a time to read for enjoyment. When school was over it was so nice to pick up a book, and just read, for the sake of enjoyment. My kids have tonnes of books, I read outloud to them while I was pregnant and when they were little. It wasn't until they were about six months old that I quite reading what I was reading outloud. Then I started on the kids books. We enjoy sitting with one on either side of me, and me in the middle reading. I enjoy laying in bed reading. I am a fast comprehensive r

Independent is one word I use to describe myself. I have always had to depend on myself. If I wanted something done I needed to do it myself. I never had frieds or family, so if I wanted to do something I did it myself. I have never had family, friends, loved ones to define me. I was who I was. That was usually solitary. To me solitary and independent are pretty much the same thing. I will travel by myself, do things by myself. I don't need someone along holding my hand. I am not saying it wouldn't be nice, I am just saying I am independent enough that I would do something myself than not do it at all. Booboobear lost another tooth yesterday at school. SHe is now missing six. four right across the top and two on the bottom. Somewhere between daycare when she showed the tooth to austin and home she lost her lost tooth. Talk abut hysterics. She wrote a really nice letter to the tootfairy and was rewarded for her honesty. AND there is a little little peep of white o

Wife: Coincidentally January 23 is the day that we celebrate 20 years of being together. We took a very serious vow to each other on January 23, 1988, that we would only see each other, foresake all others, and stick with each other trhough sickness and health. It was a wonderful intimate little time, and we both took that vow seriously. It may not be legal, it may not have been in a church, but for us it was what we needed. It has seen us still together 20 years later when many of our friends that were married legally, or in the church have been divorced and married a number of times. We have been together through life altering car accidents, losses of jobs, long distance relationships, career changes, moves, family crises, friends in crises, the birth of two children. We endure. We love. We fight. We Laugh, We Love. We were each others friend long before we were ever involved intimately. IN fact we were not intimate for long after others thought we were. The friendship held u

Being a mother is not something that I dreamt about, or yearned to be. I never gave it a thought growing up. It wasn't something that was forefront in my mind when people asked me what I wanted when I grew up. It just wasn't a thought. Then for years I was busy with life, with school, with my career. We never used protection, and went over ten years never getting pregnant. It was something that if it happened ok, and if it didn't ok. Then I turned 30, was finished school, and something in my heart opened up and I wanted to be a mother. I wanted to be pregnant. I guess the clock was ticking. We went through many doctor visits, appointments, exams, the works, and was told that short of real intervention that I wouldn't be getting pregnant on my own. That was in June of 1999. My heart shattered a little bit that day. We talked about it and took the stance that we had gone that long without kids, that we could go without kids. I just start getting used to that

A word that I would describe myself. CARING. I care, I care very deeply. I might not know how to express my feelings, or even know how to express them appropriately but I do care. I feel for the underdog, those less fortunate. I care about the environment. I care about the animals. I care about my family, I care about others families. I send thoughts, hugs, prayers, whatever is asked for in order to make others feel a little bit better. I think I care so much because no one ever really cared about me. I want to ensure that no one I know is ever left wondering if some one cares. Growing up that way made a very very deep impression on me. A picture to use on this LO I will have to think about. BARRETT JACKSON AUCTION in Arizona on the weekend. WOW, I only so a little bit here and there as I worked both days on the weekend, but the cars, WOW. I am so in love with them. I do not think I could ever go though if I didn't have a buyers card for whatever might come up. UMMMM,

Adventuresome - I think I will use a picture of me petting a sting ray, or standing on top of a glacier for this one. I am adventuresome. I am not afraid to try new things, different things, or explore. I could not find someone to take a scuba course with, so I did it by myself. I have been diving at numerous places around the globe and I love it. I always end up with a dive master, or another single diver, since I don't have someone close to dive with. I will take off by myself and do something if I can't find someone to join me. I don't need to be with someone. While my DH used to drag race I would take off and do tours all by myself whereever we were at. I love to explore. From climbing the WIshart Trail, to climbing a glacier, I find it all exciting and fulfilling.

This is from Nancy's blog who got it from all things pink I like the idea totally. So, who am I? How do I answer this? "I think I’ll start with a list and maybe work on my Book of Me for an entire month. If you want to do this with me, then please do! I don’t mean a calendar month, but maybe over the next 30 days. We can start tomorrow if you want. Or whenever you want. I want mine to work like this:" 30 days of: words, pictures, art - period. "So, for now, let’s come up with 30 words and starting tomorrow, it’s one picture of ourselves per day for 30 days. Think we can do it? No one is holding you to it, so if you skip a day, then fine. No biggy. But, each day, turn that word and your picture into some form of art. I’m going to just do a mini book I think. It will help me to feel better about me and embrace me. And, it will be a way to allow myself to be creative for me. There is a lot of therapy in creativity. Let’s try it." My 30 words that define who I am: 1

Last night I had an interesting talk with Austin at about 2 in the morning. He had come and crawled into bed with me. It has been a rough week. He really acted up Monday and I had to stop it, and he was punished. Then I went out to a SU party last night. So I think he was feeling a little lonely. SO in bed he is telling me he is scared. I ask him why. He says cause there is a stranger in my room. I ask him if he wants me to get up and check his room. He says not here at daycare. A light bulb in my mind lights up. So I find out today that A one of the girls that has only been working at daycare a little while left midway last week, and Friday a new person started. DS somehow missed the introduction on Friday, and so there was a stranger in his room. Monday was bad, yesterday not much better. I asked the lady to make sure she introduced herself to him, and I told him her name and that she worked there. Hopefully that helps the dropoffs. How to balance the danger of "

What do I hate more Sunday afternoons or Monday mornings. It is a real toss up. Sunday noon seems to have our family do a ticking time bomb. DH starts acting like an asshole, the kids get it taken out on them, I get it taken out on me, I take it out on all of them in retaliation. We are trying frantically to do everything we didn't already get done in our all to short time together. Monday mornings come with Dad, Dad, Dad??? where are you????? Then it is taken out on me. DD is finally old enough to almost manage, but DS is in all out rebellion that his Daddy is gone. Totally. He does not want to go to daycare, it is a fight. Totally outright fight. I have tried warnings, lovins, bribes, strictness, and outright brutality. Today was one of those brutality days. Not a pretty sight. SO here I am at work bawling, I call DH for a little support and get nada. Nothing, not a thing. Absolutely nothing. I am so totally alone,,,,,,,

2007 In Review 1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
attended a gym, went to Alaska, flew somewhere to meet people I had only met online 2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I had resolved to give up coke, I was coke free from Jan to mid May and then from Sept till now, so kinda made it, I resolved to get fitter and I did do that. 3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
only people I work with 4. Did anyone close to you die? my Mom's brother, friends, 5. What states/countries did you visit? Texas, Alaska, BC, 6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? a friend that I could trust and not have hurt me 7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
 my 40th birthday that was made so special by Georgina, the day my lawsuit was finalized, telling mom I was taking her to Alaska, my DH 50th birthday and the end of our love. 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? surviving

Last night DD lost a top front tooth. So now she is missing her front top two plus the one to the side of them. She is also missing two on the bottom front. So with five holes in her mouth, WOW, she looks so different. So trying not to laugh at her last night. Computers....definitely cannot live without them. Have been trying since Monday to update our SImply Accounting at work. Well every single phone line to SImply just rings fast busy, no emails have been replied to. We are in HOT HOT water. I have had to resort to going to the Canada Payroll site that is offered by the government and doing payroll there. Which means twice as much work for me. But then not having 22 pissed off employees almost makes it worth while. NOT. Bought DD some clothes at La Sensa girl yesterday. She needed new ones. She had outgrown all but two pairs of pants. So they are all marked $24.50. I buy her three pants and two matching tops, and they all ring in at $12.25 each. Gotta love that. AN

Great Auntie Ina .................... We will miss you dearly. My wonderful MIL is 88 years old, her older sister Ina was 92. She passed away this past weekend. It makes me so sad. She was full of energy, life, and was so talented. This is the lady that painted her own Christmas cards every year. It was a anxious wait every year to anticipate getting her card. This years (2007) was gorgeous just as every years have been. She had a little bit of the flu and was dehydrated, so went into the hospital for fluids, and passed away. It was quiet, unexpected, and peaceful. For that we have to be thankful. So now my MIL who was the youngest of 8 children is the last one alive. It is a rude awakening that way too. So Great Aunt Ina we love you, we will miss you, be at peace.

Santa brought us a Wii for Christmas. By us I mean it was left for the entire family with games appropriate for all of us. I believe Santa talked to the girls at SJ and got recommendations. I really have to thank them. Carnival Games - both of the kids can play this independently, I help out some, but the do marvelously all on their own. Super Mario Galaxy - we sit down after supper and play this. Well I play and am instructed by the kids. It is such fun. Hannah Montana - what a physical game, totally pysical. Not sure of the music but enjoy the actions. DD laughs her head off at me. Then doesn't want me to laugh at her. I have to say though it is a little weird icky that I am playing a game with my daughter about a girl that is the daughter of someone who I had the hots for. Totally ewww factor that thought. Especially since Billy Rae is in it. Cars - DH could not stay on the track with this, it is over the capabilities of DS unfortunately. Zelda - we watched the previ

Man was I sore yesterday. After being off of work since December 22, having to go back to sitting in a chair at a desk and be on the computer, was I ever sore. Either that or the change in the weather did it, or maybe both. I actually enjoyed being a Mom for the time I had off. Not going near a computer the entire time was also great. I didn't even unload my pictures and put them on the computer over the holidays. I just didn't want to face the computer. Seriously I am on one at work all day every work day, I just do not want to see one at home. LOL. I had a heart to heart talk with DH on New Years Day. I think he felt ambushed, but what the hay, I have been saying the same things for months now, I just made him sit down and listen that day. Neither one of us felt that great afterwards, and no decisions were made. I wish one of could just make one. Some questions I asked him outright were not answered. That bothered me. I had it abundantly clear AGAIN that his drin

2008 mmmmmm, how did it get here already? I am so excited about going to Disneyland in five weeks. So Excited. We held a very very thankful Christmas Day. My Mom was hit by a car the day before Christmas. We were very lucky. Very lucky. For as much as I worry about her heart and her memory the thought of a pedestrian accident never crossed my mind. She was in a marked cross walk, and a vehicle turning ran into her. She was pushed into oncoming traffic, which managed to stop in time. I am very thankful she was there to celebrate Christmas with us. I spent the day thinking that it could have been so different, so very different. Then on Boxing Day a friend of the family, was knocked down by one of the automatic doors. He broke his hip, had surgery, came through it and then died. This man was close to my DH. Scary that it can happen so fast. My time off was spent with the kids. We went to the collicut centre one day and swam, went to the gym, played soccer, and hockey, and t