Feeling overwhelmed.....
I leave on Sunday to go to Vancouver, then to the cruise.
I have so much that needs to be done prior to going. We leave at an insanely early hour on Sunday morning so I have to be 100 percent done on Saturday night.
I have had to wait on my bosses, so I am not even done July monthend yet. THere is more work than I have time left.
My pain is so bad I am having a really hard time concentrating. It is just killing me, doesn't help with the weather and the stress at all.
The kids the second they see each other at daycare until I lock them up at night they are fighting. It bothers me so much, in fact it drives me insane. Around 8 last night, I was in tears screaming quit it I can't take it anymore, I am not your mommy any more and then I locked myself in my room. I just couldn't stand to be around them anymore. Once I calmed down I talked to them. I told them about Cami being the big sister and Travis being the little brother, and Travis dieing and now Cami has no brother left to love. I told them about Hank being the brother and Teegan being the little sister, and Teegan dieing and Hank now having no sister. I told them I was afraid that this was going to happen, that they would never love each other, and that it was horrible that two siblings couldn't love each other. I brought both of them to tears, not he outcome I wanted, but i had reached the end of my rope. Totally.
Myles and I have talked that if the fighting doesn't stop we will separate them. One of us will take one and the other will take the other, it will be hell, but I can't live the way it is.
Austin then decides that since he can't sleep, the lady down the hallway shouldn't be sleeping either. I dimly remember standing over him in the middle of the night yelling at him not to bother me anymore. I am an idiot for a mother, I just do not know how to do it. Maybe I need supper nanny, or nanny 9-11. I am seriously rethinking the choice of taking DD on the cruise with me and Mom. I should leave her behind so that I have some kid free time. I hate to admit it, but I loved being in Texas away from them. I really did. I never talked to them, and did not miss the fighting one bit. Not at all.
DD did say something that concerned me last night. We were talking of grade 2 starting soon. She told me that the classes would be mixed up and with the new school merged all the classmates were being mixed up. I asked her if there was one special person she hoped to stay with? She tells me she hopes she gets with all of the new kids so that maybe she can find a real friend. There was not one special friend she wanted to stay with. This hurt me, I know what it is like not to socially be adept.
Just my musings for the day.
I have so much that needs to be done prior to going. We leave at an insanely early hour on Sunday morning so I have to be 100 percent done on Saturday night.
I have had to wait on my bosses, so I am not even done July monthend yet. THere is more work than I have time left.
My pain is so bad I am having a really hard time concentrating. It is just killing me, doesn't help with the weather and the stress at all.
The kids the second they see each other at daycare until I lock them up at night they are fighting. It bothers me so much, in fact it drives me insane. Around 8 last night, I was in tears screaming quit it I can't take it anymore, I am not your mommy any more and then I locked myself in my room. I just couldn't stand to be around them anymore. Once I calmed down I talked to them. I told them about Cami being the big sister and Travis being the little brother, and Travis dieing and now Cami has no brother left to love. I told them about Hank being the brother and Teegan being the little sister, and Teegan dieing and Hank now having no sister. I told them I was afraid that this was going to happen, that they would never love each other, and that it was horrible that two siblings couldn't love each other. I brought both of them to tears, not he outcome I wanted, but i had reached the end of my rope. Totally.
Myles and I have talked that if the fighting doesn't stop we will separate them. One of us will take one and the other will take the other, it will be hell, but I can't live the way it is.
Austin then decides that since he can't sleep, the lady down the hallway shouldn't be sleeping either. I dimly remember standing over him in the middle of the night yelling at him not to bother me anymore. I am an idiot for a mother, I just do not know how to do it. Maybe I need supper nanny, or nanny 9-11. I am seriously rethinking the choice of taking DD on the cruise with me and Mom. I should leave her behind so that I have some kid free time. I hate to admit it, but I loved being in Texas away from them. I really did. I never talked to them, and did not miss the fighting one bit. Not at all.
DD did say something that concerned me last night. We were talking of grade 2 starting soon. She told me that the classes would be mixed up and with the new school merged all the classmates were being mixed up. I asked her if there was one special person she hoped to stay with? She tells me she hopes she gets with all of the new kids so that maybe she can find a real friend. There was not one special friend she wanted to stay with. This hurt me, I know what it is like not to socially be adept.
Just my musings for the day.
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