Doctors, doctors, and more medical stuff
Yesterday started off with an appointment with the local child phyciatrist. DS had issues separating from me, then was a wonderful little boy that he can be. Engaging, happy, structured, and intelligent.
Ultimately Dr. L told me this:
No signs of autism, or any other diagnosable issues that would require aids, help, etc. She said this was a good and bad thing. As it means that although there is nothing wrong that really needs an aid, that because he does have transition issues it will be very hard to get him to adjust to changes.
She thought he was an adorable, smart, little guy. She did say that he did have a very competitive streak in him. If she came close to winning we would get very tense and stressed. She isn't used to seeing a child that young with that intense of a competitive streak. She talked to him about it. Empasising that it is the fun nature of playing that is more important than the win. That the time to enjoy is the game itself and not the end result.
Overall she thinks he gets stressed, cannot deal with it and then acts out.
Possibility of him have been traumatized in the past at a dayhome. This lead him to understand that when Mom leaves he is not safe, then the bullying that happened last fall at daycare, again when Mom leaves he is not safe, then the staff turnover in his room at daycare last winter, again he is not safe to bond to anyone, the changes in ownership of the daycare, again he is not safe when Mom leaves. This leads him to get overstressed and act out. Same with transitioning. When things change he has learned that he can be hurt and therefore does not want to change, he wants to remain in the activity that is SAFE, the known is better than the unknown. This applies to when I pick him up at night too. He knows the activity he currently is in is safe, but he does not know if the next thing will be safe as it is unknown. (a lot to absorb and fully understand). This applies to when an activity ends and it is time to leave as well. He knows that what he is doing is safe, but he does not know that what comes next will be safe.
Talking to him, explaining what will come next, the details of how things will happen will be the way to overcome this. She says he will probably always need to feel out new situations though, due to his past trauma. This broke my heart.
The competitiveness can be tied into this as well. He knows it is safe to win, he does not know the outcome of losing.
As to the lie about his father dieing:, working in the oil industry is a necessity in central Alberta, financially necessary. However it is also known that those families that have absenty parents due to the oil industry also have further issues with their familys, children, and behavior. They are never sure if and when the absentie parent will return, or will stay. they are conditioned not to rely on that parent, not to expect things from that parent, and it is all part of not feeling safe and causes extra stress on them. His way of dealing with Daddy not to be there for him, was to feel better about his dad being dead than it was to acknowledge that his Dad choses to not be there for him. It is an extreme thing to expect a 5 year old to understand these things fully.
The sibling fighting that goes on is greater than in normal families, as they both vie for me alone. Whereas most would have two parents to bounce to they only have one that they can rely on. This causes the jealousy, and the belief that Mom does more with the other. Offered solution for this was to spend one on one time with each, and really stress the togetherness time we do share. That yes mom can do things with both at the same time.
The vie for attention ties in to this as well (I had a hard time understanding this). He needs the one on one attention to feel safe, he needs the attention when requested or he goes into a state where he is unsure it is safe or not, this leads to acting out and very inappropriate behavior. He needs to be taught and learn that he will still be safe even if not immediately helped, or attention given immediately. this really needs to be in place prior to school starting or he will have a very difficult time.
His remark that he didn't participate in circle because "he wasn't doing anything", is very telling to this as well. He did not feel safe because he wasn't actively engaged, if he had been actively engaged in it, he would have been responsive and capable.
She was very very pleased with the positive strides he has made at K at daycare in three short weeks.
Her suggestion was to leave him in K at daycare until January, and then try to re-integrate him into K at G. Leaving him in his safe surrounding at K in daycare and adding on the K at G would enable him to make the transition. If it was disasterous then try again in March. Ultimately she would like to see him totally in K at G by June so that his transition into grade one would be seamless. However she did say that the Alberta school system was not set up to run two K at the same time, and that there would be no help provided for this, that it would be up to me to do it.
She also told me the school was entirely wrong in asking him to leave, that it is their responsibility to find solutions for kids. That even if I had kept him in K at G and out until I saw her, that she does not have the authority to put solutions in place at school.
She did recommend a local organization that does play therapy. It will reinforce and hopefully help in with the concept that when things change it is still safe, and that when someone leaves they will still come back.
Then in the afternoon we went back to the family doctor. For the results of tests she would not give me over the phone. My little guy is iron deficient. He needs supplementation. Which can upset his tummy as well. If supplementation does not help then further investigation will need to be done. As with a child this age it is hard to know if it is his diet or a medical reason for the iron deficiency.
He is allergic to wheat, milk, egg whites. He is slowly outgrowing the milk and eggs. He is to be put on a wheat free diet. He will be tested for celiacs disease.
I was given a referral to a nutritionist to figure out all this individual things. It is like a major puzzle with out the picture on the box and the possibility of pieces missing. She gave me a couple names of stores I can go to and try to find wheat free items.
If we can get his iron levels up it may help his energy levels, and help his brain engage better as well, also if we can get the wheat out of his system his behavior may also change. It also explains his major meltdowns just prior to meals. He needs that fuel to keep going or his brain is deprived and he does not think properly.
So much to absorb, and understand,
Ultimately Dr. L told me this:
No signs of autism, or any other diagnosable issues that would require aids, help, etc. She said this was a good and bad thing. As it means that although there is nothing wrong that really needs an aid, that because he does have transition issues it will be very hard to get him to adjust to changes.
She thought he was an adorable, smart, little guy. She did say that he did have a very competitive streak in him. If she came close to winning we would get very tense and stressed. She isn't used to seeing a child that young with that intense of a competitive streak. She talked to him about it. Empasising that it is the fun nature of playing that is more important than the win. That the time to enjoy is the game itself and not the end result.
Overall she thinks he gets stressed, cannot deal with it and then acts out.
Possibility of him have been traumatized in the past at a dayhome. This lead him to understand that when Mom leaves he is not safe, then the bullying that happened last fall at daycare, again when Mom leaves he is not safe, then the staff turnover in his room at daycare last winter, again he is not safe to bond to anyone, the changes in ownership of the daycare, again he is not safe when Mom leaves. This leads him to get overstressed and act out. Same with transitioning. When things change he has learned that he can be hurt and therefore does not want to change, he wants to remain in the activity that is SAFE, the known is better than the unknown. This applies to when I pick him up at night too. He knows the activity he currently is in is safe, but he does not know if the next thing will be safe as it is unknown. (a lot to absorb and fully understand). This applies to when an activity ends and it is time to leave as well. He knows that what he is doing is safe, but he does not know that what comes next will be safe.
Talking to him, explaining what will come next, the details of how things will happen will be the way to overcome this. She says he will probably always need to feel out new situations though, due to his past trauma. This broke my heart.
The competitiveness can be tied into this as well. He knows it is safe to win, he does not know the outcome of losing.
As to the lie about his father dieing:, working in the oil industry is a necessity in central Alberta, financially necessary. However it is also known that those families that have absenty parents due to the oil industry also have further issues with their familys, children, and behavior. They are never sure if and when the absentie parent will return, or will stay. they are conditioned not to rely on that parent, not to expect things from that parent, and it is all part of not feeling safe and causes extra stress on them. His way of dealing with Daddy not to be there for him, was to feel better about his dad being dead than it was to acknowledge that his Dad choses to not be there for him. It is an extreme thing to expect a 5 year old to understand these things fully.
The sibling fighting that goes on is greater than in normal families, as they both vie for me alone. Whereas most would have two parents to bounce to they only have one that they can rely on. This causes the jealousy, and the belief that Mom does more with the other. Offered solution for this was to spend one on one time with each, and really stress the togetherness time we do share. That yes mom can do things with both at the same time.
The vie for attention ties in to this as well (I had a hard time understanding this). He needs the one on one attention to feel safe, he needs the attention when requested or he goes into a state where he is unsure it is safe or not, this leads to acting out and very inappropriate behavior. He needs to be taught and learn that he will still be safe even if not immediately helped, or attention given immediately. this really needs to be in place prior to school starting or he will have a very difficult time.
His remark that he didn't participate in circle because "he wasn't doing anything", is very telling to this as well. He did not feel safe because he wasn't actively engaged, if he had been actively engaged in it, he would have been responsive and capable.
She was very very pleased with the positive strides he has made at K at daycare in three short weeks.
Her suggestion was to leave him in K at daycare until January, and then try to re-integrate him into K at G. Leaving him in his safe surrounding at K in daycare and adding on the K at G would enable him to make the transition. If it was disasterous then try again in March. Ultimately she would like to see him totally in K at G by June so that his transition into grade one would be seamless. However she did say that the Alberta school system was not set up to run two K at the same time, and that there would be no help provided for this, that it would be up to me to do it.
She also told me the school was entirely wrong in asking him to leave, that it is their responsibility to find solutions for kids. That even if I had kept him in K at G and out until I saw her, that she does not have the authority to put solutions in place at school.
She did recommend a local organization that does play therapy. It will reinforce and hopefully help in with the concept that when things change it is still safe, and that when someone leaves they will still come back.
Then in the afternoon we went back to the family doctor. For the results of tests she would not give me over the phone. My little guy is iron deficient. He needs supplementation. Which can upset his tummy as well. If supplementation does not help then further investigation will need to be done. As with a child this age it is hard to know if it is his diet or a medical reason for the iron deficiency.
He is allergic to wheat, milk, egg whites. He is slowly outgrowing the milk and eggs. He is to be put on a wheat free diet. He will be tested for celiacs disease.
I was given a referral to a nutritionist to figure out all this individual things. It is like a major puzzle with out the picture on the box and the possibility of pieces missing. She gave me a couple names of stores I can go to and try to find wheat free items.
If we can get his iron levels up it may help his energy levels, and help his brain engage better as well, also if we can get the wheat out of his system his behavior may also change. It also explains his major meltdowns just prior to meals. He needs that fuel to keep going or his brain is deprived and he does not think properly.
So much to absorb, and understand,
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