Strength comes from within

I have a love hate relationship with my S-ICD.  I absolutely hate it but know logically I may one day need it.   I have long qt a heart arrythmia that caused me to have SCAs. After my SCAs and first ICD implant I developed blood infection. Then many other complication.  I fought so hard to live.  I had five surgeries in 4 months. Spent July - October 2012 hospitalized.  I lost my strength and endurance.  My scars are not pretty.  I have permanent nerve damage from my S-ICD.  It just literally sucks some days. But I'm here to see my 10&13 year olds grow up.  To me that makes it worthwhile.   My scars I consider badges of endurance. But how do I get my mind back to a happy place.  Did lack of oxygen cause my happy place to disappear? Is that even possible? M Y strength my endurance how do I get them back? 

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