Passion

I have always said that after I was resuscitated following the cardiac arrests and coming out of coma that I felt something was missing. Nothing was real, nothing was the way I thought it should be, I felt lost. I felt I lost myself. 

It's something I hear over and over in a variety of heart groups from other survivors, I hear about by reading research papers, and media stories. No one is quite sure what is different but almost everyone says they feel different. Or they lie to themselves to say they are still the same. 

I realized tonight while watching a documentary about Voyager 1 travelling through space that I lost my passion. The definition of passion is: a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something. Here are these scientists 30 years later still so excited and passionate about the discoveries they made. Still forging ahead and so excited about new areas. They are so passionate about what they are doing. I don't have that, about anything. It seems "good enough" has ruled my life the last five years. How do I change that? How do I get that passion back? Where do I find it? How do I find something and excellent in it? 

I don't want "good enough", I want fantastic, I want passion.