Waking to a new life
My young son last night tells me while I'm tucking him into bed "I wish you had never died Mom". I gave him a huge hug and said me too, me too.
Within my dark shattered brain I often forget just what those around me went through. I get so focused on me, how the experience affected who I am, that I forget that others went through it too.
I may have lost myself but they lost their Mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend.
After all they went to bed on July 16, 2012 thinking Mom would be home the next day. Instead the next day brings a call from the hospital saying I was dead, or dieing or would die. Their world forever changed that day too.
Nothing is the same for me. Who I am, how I think, my abilities, my personality, my actions and reactions. It is all different.
The hospitals and medical field did nothing to prepare my family for the stranger that was coming home. They saved the body, they saved the life, they saved the beating heart but amidst all that they lost me.
The person that awoke was not the person that had fallen asleep. The change is as instrinic and pervading as light and dark. I'm learning to live with this new life. The affect on those around me I fear will be long lasting and life altering.
Within my dark shattered brain I often forget just what those around me went through. I get so focused on me, how the experience affected who I am, that I forget that others went through it too.
I may have lost myself but they lost their Mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend.
After all they went to bed on July 16, 2012 thinking Mom would be home the next day. Instead the next day brings a call from the hospital saying I was dead, or dieing or would die. Their world forever changed that day too.
Nothing is the same for me. Who I am, how I think, my abilities, my personality, my actions and reactions. It is all different.
The hospitals and medical field did nothing to prepare my family for the stranger that was coming home. They saved the body, they saved the life, they saved the beating heart but amidst all that they lost me.
The person that awoke was not the person that had fallen asleep. The change is as instrinic and pervading as light and dark. I'm learning to live with this new life. The affect on those around me I fear will be long lasting and life altering.
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