The day my world stopped moving
I can go for days with nothing planned then a day like today.
Both kids had dentist appts and cleanings. Austin was in trouble at school. So I got scolded in front of entire fifth grade class, the dentist scolded me for their poor brushing habits. :(
Then took my mom to her genetic counseling appt for long qt. then had to get my blood tested since I was at hospital anyway. Then find out A& A almost killed each other while mom and I gone. Both bruised, both drew blood.
Then spent hours doing one page of grade 5 homework. Work he knew but refused to do. Just arrrggg my mathematical capabilities are almost non existent. I don't know my times table and can't remember it.
Ive Explained long qt to mom for the hundredth time then she tells the genetic counsellor that she doesn't know anything. So the explanation goes on and on. Telehealth works great.
Then at the end after telehealth ended I'm explaining the degrees of who could be infected if she is positive. Or who could be affected it she was negative. So my two sisters I always knew we're 1/2 so no biggie if mom negative. One sister might have been full, but not confident in that. So saying if mom was negative Wendy would need testing because of the father side. Mom for the first time ever admitted Wendy's Dad was not my dad. First time ever. So I asked who? And she named Ed Tricker.
Makes me beyond pissed. He was in the periphery vision of my life. He never contributed a dime. He never helped, he never identified, himself. He stood back like an asshole and saw me abused, saw me go hungry, saw me cold, it's beyond my abilities to cope with this.
I asked mom why? Well he had kids, I had kids, it would have embarrassed them. Well what about me? I thought everyone knew! Well I didn't Mom, I didn't. You refused to tell me for 47 years. Just wtf.
Looking back I can see a few things that were odd. But really that piece of shit is my father. I'd like to get the rest of family medical history from his legitimate children. Think that would open can of worms?
And then the abuse. That makes me sick regardless. But now knowing it was done by related people makes me want to puke. Did they know? Would it have changed anything if they knew?
Full on turmoil here.
My entire life I've wanted this revelation andi finally have it. Where do I go from here.?
Both kids had dentist appts and cleanings. Austin was in trouble at school. So I got scolded in front of entire fifth grade class, the dentist scolded me for their poor brushing habits. :(
Then took my mom to her genetic counseling appt for long qt. then had to get my blood tested since I was at hospital anyway. Then find out A& A almost killed each other while mom and I gone. Both bruised, both drew blood.
Then spent hours doing one page of grade 5 homework. Work he knew but refused to do. Just arrrggg my mathematical capabilities are almost non existent. I don't know my times table and can't remember it.
Ive Explained long qt to mom for the hundredth time then she tells the genetic counsellor that she doesn't know anything. So the explanation goes on and on. Telehealth works great.
Then at the end after telehealth ended I'm explaining the degrees of who could be infected if she is positive. Or who could be affected it she was negative. So my two sisters I always knew we're 1/2 so no biggie if mom negative. One sister might have been full, but not confident in that. So saying if mom was negative Wendy would need testing because of the father side. Mom for the first time ever admitted Wendy's Dad was not my dad. First time ever. So I asked who? And she named Ed Tricker.
Makes me beyond pissed. He was in the periphery vision of my life. He never contributed a dime. He never helped, he never identified, himself. He stood back like an asshole and saw me abused, saw me go hungry, saw me cold, it's beyond my abilities to cope with this.
I asked mom why? Well he had kids, I had kids, it would have embarrassed them. Well what about me? I thought everyone knew! Well I didn't Mom, I didn't. You refused to tell me for 47 years. Just wtf.
Looking back I can see a few things that were odd. But really that piece of shit is my father. I'd like to get the rest of family medical history from his legitimate children. Think that would open can of worms?
And then the abuse. That makes me sick regardless. But now knowing it was done by related people makes me want to puke. Did they know? Would it have changed anything if they knew?
Full on turmoil here.
My entire life I've wanted this revelation andi finally have it. Where do I go from here.?
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