Memory 101
Memory is a very basic function right. One of the first things a baby does is remember Mom, Dad. Simple, easy right? Until something comes along and messes it up. Age, trauma, lack of oxygen.
Having three sudden cardiac arrests definitely played foul with my memory. Then adding insult to injury I had a collapse from a near fatal blood infection. Sometimes I think that did more damage than the cardiac arrests did.
Three weeks after having the cardiac arrests I came home. I could remember Hawaii, but I didn't know what a pizza was.
Ten days after that I had the collapse. Then I didn't remember Hawaii either.
But the iPad I hadn't remembered previously I did remember.
Waking up and not knowing what year it was was weird. Let me restate that. Waking up thinking it was September 2009 and not July 2012 was weird. I had a 6 & 9 year old. Not a 9&12 year old. I was a happily employed accountant in a job I loved. Not a fired ex-employee from a corporate buy-out.
Some things that occurred from 2009-2012 I had a little recall of. Game of Thrones was one. I could name a character or a story line but not always. The books and the tv series were inter-mixed and not necessarily what I recalled.
Geocaching was another. Something we started doing in 2011, but I had déjà-vue with it. I can still be driving past a spot and say is there a cache there? But not be able to give any details. Some parts stuck others didn't.
I missed friends giving birth, getting married, getting divorced and unfortunately a few deaths. I lost many of my own families milestones.
It hurts, it frustrates, it infuriates.
I cry over those lost memories often. People say go make new ones. But: it's not that simple. My mind has left me confused and doubting. Do I truly remember something or is it only ecause I've been prompted about it. Read it, seen it in a picture? Short term memory has been affected too.
Not everything goes from short term into long term. Not everything even registers in short term.
The pain of being broken resonates with me daily.
Having three sudden cardiac arrests definitely played foul with my memory. Then adding insult to injury I had a collapse from a near fatal blood infection. Sometimes I think that did more damage than the cardiac arrests did.
Three weeks after having the cardiac arrests I came home. I could remember Hawaii, but I didn't know what a pizza was.
Ten days after that I had the collapse. Then I didn't remember Hawaii either.
But the iPad I hadn't remembered previously I did remember.
Waking up and not knowing what year it was was weird. Let me restate that. Waking up thinking it was September 2009 and not July 2012 was weird. I had a 6 & 9 year old. Not a 9&12 year old. I was a happily employed accountant in a job I loved. Not a fired ex-employee from a corporate buy-out.
Some things that occurred from 2009-2012 I had a little recall of. Game of Thrones was one. I could name a character or a story line but not always. The books and the tv series were inter-mixed and not necessarily what I recalled.
Geocaching was another. Something we started doing in 2011, but I had déjà-vue with it. I can still be driving past a spot and say is there a cache there? But not be able to give any details. Some parts stuck others didn't.
I missed friends giving birth, getting married, getting divorced and unfortunately a few deaths. I lost many of my own families milestones.
It hurts, it frustrates, it infuriates.
I cry over those lost memories often. People say go make new ones. But: it's not that simple. My mind has left me confused and doubting. Do I truly remember something or is it only ecause I've been prompted about it. Read it, seen it in a picture? Short term memory has been affected too.
Not everything goes from short term into long term. Not everything even registers in short term.
The pain of being broken resonates with me daily.
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