Not my fault

I'm typically a person that believes owning what you do.  You did it, you own it.
I lived for 11 months believing that a med I took was at fault for my SCA.  That it was my fault.  That if it hadn't been for "me", I wouldn't have the brain injury, my family wouldn't be destroyed.  My medical team, my family, my friends, were all it's "your fault." Many still do.
I recently had my occupational therapist tell me it wasn't my fault. A few days ago my daughter said it wasn't my fault.  Two friends said what happened to them wasn't their fault. So if it wasn't their fault, was it mine?

I had a monumental (for me) realization early this morning.

It's not my fault this happened to me.  It's not my fault I had many complications.  I didn't do anything to bring them on.  

I also realized it pisses me off when people in groups constantly go "ICD is no big deal", "nothing ever goes wrong", "it's easy", "no reason to be nervous".  

It's like they are totally making my shared experiences worth less than theirs.  That majority rules, making anything else not matter.  I matter, I do. 

My experiences of complications are just as valid as others good experiences.  Because I'm in the minority with complications doesn't mean their good experiences are more valid or realistic than mine.

ICDs have complications! Which can cause a multitude of things. The mental aspect is huge, feelings of being scared, alone, nervous, shouldn't be minimized by others.  Those are real emotions. Allow others to own them. ICD complications of infections can range from being minor to being life threatening and even fatal. ICD failures or lead failures are rare but happen way to often. These failures can be a breeze to fix or can turn fatal.  

Few survive life threatening complications to talk about them, to share them.  Responding with empathy rather than derision would be a good thing.  

I shouldn't be made to feel less because of complications.  Share your positive stories, tell good things, but realize that there is a flip side.  That flip side is just as real. One day you may be on the flip side and how would you want to be treated?