2nd day at work

Man was I sore yesterday. After being off of work since December 22, having to go back to sitting in a chair at a desk and be on the computer, was I ever sore. Either that or the change in the weather did it, or maybe both.

I actually enjoyed being a Mom for the time I had off. Not going near a computer the entire time was also great. I didn't even unload my pictures and put them on the computer over the holidays. I just didn't want to face the computer.

Seriously I am on one at work all day every work day, I just do not want to see one at home. LOL.

I had a heart to heart talk with DH on New Years Day. I think he felt ambushed, but what the hay, I have been saying the same things for months now, I just made him sit down and listen that day. Neither one of us felt that great afterwards, and no decisions were made. I wish one of could just make one. Some questions I asked him outright were not answered. That bothered me. I had it abundantly clear AGAIN that his drinking really bothered me. I asked him if he did it all week long, or just saved it all up for me. He never answered. I asked him if he realized yet how much he hurt me over his birthday surprise in September, he never answered that either. I asked questions about the finances, the house, etc etc, and it still came back to no input from him. I asked him his input on the kids, if they were still 100% my responsibility or not? he never answered that either. I asked him outright if he wanted to be there? he never answered that either.
I truly just want some resolution in this whole thing. This has been going on since last spring, almost a year has passed, and I see us in the exact same place that we were in then.
I am confused, and upset, and overwhelmed by life. He just doesn't care, or so it seems. He will never talk about what he thinks, or feels, or has any input into things. I feel that it is always up to me.
So we will see what the weekend brings, and how it is.
I know I feel even more terrible when my little guy is crying for his daddy to come home, and I am even entertaining the thoughts that I am.
Am I being selfish wanting to be happy, am I being selfish wanting to have a future together with the man I fell in love with. Does that man even exist anymore?
Can you tell I am confused??????

Comments

Cassandra said…
Oh Sherri-- you know I can't do anything but send a virtual hug. I am amazed at your candor and strength-- you inspire me.
10:27 PM
Anonymous said…
((((hugs))))) Mona
6:42 PM
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