20 years ago today I miscarried a baby. I can imagine myself with a 20 year old running around. Maybe even a grandma, that is a rough thought. For years when I could not conceive I wondered if I was being punished for miscarrying my first. I was young, got pregnant in college, and was sick all the time. I had morning sickness 24 hours a day every single day, I lost a lot of weight. I was alone and I was scared. I went to bed one night feeling very ill, I woke up two days later in the hospital. I had hemarraged and been uncousious, and almost died. I miscarried in my fifth month. When I missed college some friends tried to reach me and couldn't so called my ex and he had the landlord let him in. It saved my life. I have always felt so guilty that I was just that little bit relieved that it had happened. I was so young, and on my own, and did not want a child raised the way that I had been raised. Feelings just all over the place. It hit me like a ton of bricks again w...
I want to go away on a tropical holiday, I want a fire place, I want to be warm. I wore a warm sweater and vest today and jeans and am still freezing. I think it is as cold inside as it is outside. arrrrggggg. It is -18 C or 0 F right now. This morning it was -27c with a -35 windchill. Here I sit bitching as my DH is outside working in it. Lets not tell him. LOL
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