Strength comes from within

I have a love hate relationship with my S-ICD.  I absolutely hate it but know logically I may one day need it.   I have long qt a heart arrythmia that caused me to have SCAs. After my SCAs and first ICD implant I developed blood infection. Then many other complication.  I fought so hard to live.  I had five surgeries in 4 months. Spent July - October 2012 hospitalized.  I lost my strength and endurance.  My scars are not pretty.  I have permanent nerve damage from my S-ICD.  It just literally sucks some days. But I'm here to see my 10&13 year olds grow up.  To me that makes it worthwhile.   My scars I consider badges of endurance. But how do I get my mind back to a happy place.  Did lack of oxygen cause my happy place to disappear? Is that even possible? M Y strength my endurance how do I get them back? 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

April 19 is a rough day

Image
20 years ago today I miscarried a baby. I can imagine myself with a 20 year old running around. Maybe even a grandma, that is a rough thought. For years when I could not conceive I wondered if I was being punished for miscarrying my first. I was young, got pregnant in college, and was sick all the time. I had morning sickness 24 hours a day every single day, I lost a lot of weight. I was alone and I was scared. I went to bed one night feeling very ill, I woke up two days later in the hospital. I had hemarraged and been uncousious, and almost died. I miscarried in my fifth month. When I missed college some friends tried to reach me and couldn't so called my ex and he had the landlord let him in. It saved my life. I have always felt so guilty that I was just that little bit relieved that it had happened. I was so young, and on my own, and did not want a child raised the way that I had been raised. Feelings just all over the place. It hit me like a ton of bricks again w...
Read more

Thoughtful Thursday

Alberta headlines an announcement that there are 3,500 new positions for childcare in Alberta in 51 different communities. So I read the report. Which can be found here....http://www.child.alberta.ca/home/587.cfm . It comes down to 3,489 positions at the cost of $4,853,940.00 that comes out to $1,391.21 per position. Makes me wonder. Red Deer my community gets 68 positions at two differernt centres and $102,000, which works out to 1,500.00 per position. I just do not get it. I am pulled aside at daycare yesterday where my 4 year old DS attends full time. The owner of the centre tells me that C has left, that the other C is being moved to a new room, and that a brand new C, and J are going to start, and lead will be held by N who has been there two weeks. The daycare owner tells me she doesn't know why but she cannot keep staff in that room. I pay $775.00 a month for him to attend daycare, I pay $255.00 a month for my daughter to attend after school care from 3-6 on school days. ...
Read more

Well I made it and I survived it

Image
I am finally 40. Entering the prime of my life. I think it is all how you look at things. So if I look positive it will be postitive. This is the decade that is going to be about me. I had an adult decade on education, I had an adult decade on family, now I want one on me. Thanks Jenni for calling last night, I miss you and you are welcome to come back to Alberta and visit any time. I got the cutest birday card from Poncho with her original photography on it of a koala, I love it. I feel spoiled and loved and it is nice to feel that way. I got a cake sent to me at work yesterday, a balloon arrangement with a teddy bear and chocolates and some basic grey paper. A bunch of girls from SJ went together and organized it all. I feel so honoured to be counted as one of their friends. I got to talk to geminigirl (Carrie) yesterday as well, she is one of the sweetest people I know. Thanks for calling.
Read more