Two moments of full clarity
Today I had two complete moments of clarity. Unusual for me, but I had them.
1) Toothless - little black dragon, from the movie how to train your dragon. I've loved him for the last year. Something Austin and I watched together. I bought myself a little figurine of him on my birthday. Cute little dragon.
Kids were bugging me that the show wasn't called Toothless but Dragon Rider. I said its Toothless. Kids are Ask why I like him so much. They are throwing reasons at me from all directions. He is cute, he is a dragon, you can ride him. No, no, no.
So why?
I like him because he was broken and someone took the time to fix him. The kids never said another word.
2) a friend 4 years after her SCA went back to her old job. I told her I was proud of her. Very very very proud and I am. BUT: I realized that I'm proud that she took the risk to try. Not that her short term memory was good enough to do it. I don't know how to explain that to her.
The clarity came in this: memory and brain issues from SCAs are like rolling a dice, some people get a 1 some people get a 6. Sometimes no matter how hard one tries to fix the brain it won't happen. It's not a reflection on that person. It is totally out of their hands. Some people roll a 1 some people roll a 6. There are some things to do to help to an extent, but if that 6 was rolled that brain will never ever be back to what it was. It's not a reflection on the person.
The clarity comes in that I feel broken, and feel unfixable, and that even if my brain is never going back to pre-SCA function it's not a reflection on me or of me. This thought made me bawl uncontrolably and im not even sure why.
That little Toothless figure i bought for my birthday......one pose with the broken tail, one had the pose before the tail was broken. I wavered back and forth for ages before buying one.
I bought the unbroken tail.
1) Toothless - little black dragon, from the movie how to train your dragon. I've loved him for the last year. Something Austin and I watched together. I bought myself a little figurine of him on my birthday. Cute little dragon.
Kids were bugging me that the show wasn't called Toothless but Dragon Rider. I said its Toothless. Kids are Ask why I like him so much. They are throwing reasons at me from all directions. He is cute, he is a dragon, you can ride him. No, no, no.
So why?
I like him because he was broken and someone took the time to fix him. The kids never said another word.
2) a friend 4 years after her SCA went back to her old job. I told her I was proud of her. Very very very proud and I am. BUT: I realized that I'm proud that she took the risk to try. Not that her short term memory was good enough to do it. I don't know how to explain that to her.
The clarity came in this: memory and brain issues from SCAs are like rolling a dice, some people get a 1 some people get a 6. Sometimes no matter how hard one tries to fix the brain it won't happen. It's not a reflection on that person. It is totally out of their hands. Some people roll a 1 some people roll a 6. There are some things to do to help to an extent, but if that 6 was rolled that brain will never ever be back to what it was. It's not a reflection on the person.
The clarity comes in that I feel broken, and feel unfixable, and that even if my brain is never going back to pre-SCA function it's not a reflection on me or of me. This thought made me bawl uncontrolably and im not even sure why.
That little Toothless figure i bought for my birthday......one pose with the broken tail, one had the pose before the tail was broken. I wavered back and forth for ages before buying one.
I bought the unbroken tail.
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