Don't ask a question unless you want an answer

and even then you may not get it.

Mom has her surgery tomorrow, she is all hyped about it. So she had done up a will, living will, and power of attorny, and had me, my sister and two witnesses come over Friday night to sign things.

Well after the witnesses left I asked mom a question.

Who is my Dad? My sister was still there.
Why did we live the way we did?
Why didn't you step in and protect me from the abuse?
My sister had a number of questions too.
We told mom often and frequently that we loved her and that we just wanted answers.

Her reply to most everything was well that is over and done with there is nothing she can do about it now.

I just want answers, that is all. I have to come to terms that answers will never happen.

Comments

Cheyenne said…
I think I would want to know the truth too but it must hurt your Mom to even have to say the words...
Maybe she will change her mind and tell you anyway. Or let her know that it's of the utmost importance for you to know. Then again, maybe she doesn't know herself. Or she is trying to protect you from whatever it is she doesn't want you to know. I really don't know what else to say. It's a difficult situation at best.
11:01 PM
Yankee said…
I am sorry you did not get the answers.
I have a friend who has struggled with not knowing things also and she is trying to always be the mom that her mother never was. She is probably one of the best moms I now.
6:58 PM
Paula... said…
I know it must be soooo hard on you not knowing the answers to so many questions most of us simply take for granted. However it must be so very painful for your mum, that she just doesn't want to go there. Sometimes not knowing is better than actually knowing the truth IYKWIM.

Maybe one day she'll make peace with her inner demons and tell you what you want to know.
4:20 PM
Anonymous said…
I'm sorry. I think you are entitled to the truth. I wish your mom could understand that you aren't asking her to change things . . . you just want some answers.

I'm sorry that she can't or won't give you those. :hug:
1:28 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

April 19 is a rough day

Image
20 years ago today I miscarried a baby. I can imagine myself with a 20 year old running around. Maybe even a grandma, that is a rough thought. For years when I could not conceive I wondered if I was being punished for miscarrying my first. I was young, got pregnant in college, and was sick all the time. I had morning sickness 24 hours a day every single day, I lost a lot of weight. I was alone and I was scared. I went to bed one night feeling very ill, I woke up two days later in the hospital. I had hemarraged and been uncousious, and almost died. I miscarried in my fifth month. When I missed college some friends tried to reach me and couldn't so called my ex and he had the landlord let him in. It saved my life. I have always felt so guilty that I was just that little bit relieved that it had happened. I was so young, and on my own, and did not want a child raised the way that I had been raised. Feelings just all over the place. It hit me like a ton of bricks again w...
Read more

Thoughtful Thursday

Alberta headlines an announcement that there are 3,500 new positions for childcare in Alberta in 51 different communities. So I read the report. Which can be found here....http://www.child.alberta.ca/home/587.cfm . It comes down to 3,489 positions at the cost of $4,853,940.00 that comes out to $1,391.21 per position. Makes me wonder. Red Deer my community gets 68 positions at two differernt centres and $102,000, which works out to 1,500.00 per position. I just do not get it. I am pulled aside at daycare yesterday where my 4 year old DS attends full time. The owner of the centre tells me that C has left, that the other C is being moved to a new room, and that a brand new C, and J are going to start, and lead will be held by N who has been there two weeks. The daycare owner tells me she doesn't know why but she cannot keep staff in that room. I pay $775.00 a month for him to attend daycare, I pay $255.00 a month for my daughter to attend after school care from 3-6 on school days. ...
Read more

Well I made it and I survived it

Image
I am finally 40. Entering the prime of my life. I think it is all how you look at things. So if I look positive it will be postitive. This is the decade that is going to be about me. I had an adult decade on education, I had an adult decade on family, now I want one on me. Thanks Jenni for calling last night, I miss you and you are welcome to come back to Alberta and visit any time. I got the cutest birday card from Poncho with her original photography on it of a koala, I love it. I feel spoiled and loved and it is nice to feel that way. I got a cake sent to me at work yesterday, a balloon arrangement with a teddy bear and chocolates and some basic grey paper. A bunch of girls from SJ went together and organized it all. I feel so honoured to be counted as one of their friends. I got to talk to geminigirl (Carrie) yesterday as well, she is one of the sweetest people I know. Thanks for calling.
Read more