Oscarisms

Austin and I are getting ready for bed.  I'm trying to explain to him that when I lose my temper and rage that it's not him.  That he's not bad, that my brain just isn't letting me deal with the situation.  I'm not rational. But how to explain that to a little boy? I don't want him to think he is the cause.  What he did may have started my meltdown but really it isn't him.  It's me. I'm trying so hard to explain why I'm not the same Mom I was before I died.  Talking and talking and talking.  I'm so very very glad I lived so I could see him and Alexis grow up.  We share big hugs.  I'm crying and so is he. Then in his little boy tentative voice he says. "I did the best thing I ever did when you died Mom". I hold him tight, and pull back looking into his eyes and ask him what? He tells me the Proudest Thing He has Ever Done...... "When you were in the hospital after you died; Dad and I went to the bank.  Dad started cr...

I'm a sudden cardiac arrest survivor (45) later diagnosed with an electrical issue long qt.  Essentially my heart is healthy just not always beating. I had a traditional ICD implanted shortly after the SCA.  Ten days later I collapsed hallucinating, blood pressure way low.  They fought to save my life for days while my body had turned septic. I had a blood infection, vegetation growth on leads. The ICD needed to come out but if the vegetation broke away it could hit my brain, my heart, or lungs and best case scenario kill me, worst case leave me a vegetative shell.  We were told I really didn't have a chance of survival leaving ICD in, or removing it.  It was an absolutely terrifying week. I was kept awake and talking or singing during the entire surgery and the vegetation broke off but didn't do anything. :) I was further kept in hospital in isolation on IV antibiotics for months while my body healed the blood infection, the sepsis, and other complications....