Oscarisms

Today I was told if I didn't follow two recommendations put forth by counseling  that they felt there was nothing they could do. Her words were they would not be inclined to help further. The two recommendations are: 1) eliminate all TV, electronics, games, internet, social media, movies, computers 2) enroll the kids in as many activities as I can possibly schedule them into Fulfilling these two recommendations is supposed to fix my sons Aspergers. Doing this is also supposed to make Alexis and I all better.  It is apparently these things that are causing our issues. It's not that our family has undergone a humongous trauma over the past two years.  It's not that Aspergers seems to get worse at puberty. It's not that we have a genetic condition that won't just magically fix itself. Who wouldn't suffer severe anxiety under the circumstances? I'm frustrated. I'm overwhelmed. I don't know where to turn. I was seeking a safe, non-judge mental...

Humiliation comes in many forms.  Some times I think we are embarrassed more by those things out of our control than those things in our control. Take my illness for example.  I'm embarrassed that I died, that I caused this to happen o my family, even though it was completely out of my control.  So I got a brain injury, it's not my fault why be embarrassed. My son is autistic, it's not my fault or his fault so why be embarrassed? But: my weight absolutely completely my fault, yet it never bothered me. For 25 years it didn't bother me.  How did it not? Then this month, humiliation after humiliation regarding my weight just made it hurt so deeply;  it is my fault, I am humiliated. I'm embarrassed. And worse yet I'm ashamed.  I've slowly lost my strength and endurance. Not because of my heart, but because I don't.  Just because I don't.  Horribly humiliating. Visiting Calaway earlier this month and Austin wanted me to go on a ride with him. ...

I was fine with the days coming and going no big deal.  Then about 10 hours before I got all shaken, and teary, and thought two years ago I was one ill person.  It's weird how it hit me like that.  Really weird.  I wanted a cake, but didn't get one.  I would have settled for ice cream but didn't get any.  Not much going on the 17 or 18 but the 19 we went to WEM as a family and hit the galaxy land.  Yes, I even did the mind bender.  The one I really enjoyed though was the space spot.  It was awesome.