Oscarisms

Well my baby girl, started grade one today. I know everyone says it and is tired of hearing it, but how is that possible. Just seems like a couple of days ago I found out I was pregnant. And now she is riding the school bus and starting grade one. WOW. She packed her own lunch last night, she was ready to go 1/2 before bus time, got on the bus with a big smile and a wave bye. She made it to the school before I did. She read the class lists posted on the door herself and went and found her room. She was unpacked and sitting at her desk when I got there. What a kid. I am so proud of her. SHe is so much more ready for this than I am. The first bell went and she startled (she does not like loud sounds) and she asked me what it was. I told her it meant school was getting ready to start. The second one goes off and she turns to me and says why aren't the parents leaving Mom, it is time for class. What a kid. I love her so much. Her teacher said it will be fine to take her ...

Challenge: Since summer is coming to a close soon.. I decided to give a list of questions about your 2006 summer. 1. What was your favorite summer event? I have to say that having my high school friend come and visit me from Montreal was great also going 160 mph in my friends Z06 corvette was the most exhilerating 2. Favorite picture of the summer? Mine is of the canola in full bloom with the old barn in the field. 3. Favorite movie of the summer? I don't do movies. I think the only movies I went and saw this summer were Curious George and Cars. And I loved both of them. Can you tell I am a Mom of little ones. 4. Best song of the summer? Was there anything new that grabbed me at all, probably not. 5. Did you go on vacation, where? No vacation this summer it came to me. In July I hosted a visit from my friend from Montreal and I got to play tourist in my own back yard which was fantastic. So I challenge you to do this challenge and link me back to your blog so I know you did.

Super Runbetter known as Rock'n Red Deer was held in Red Deer a couple of weeks ago. There were some neat cars there, and ones that were outstanding. Same could be said for my pics. There are pics and then there are outstanding ones.

How can anyone in world that has ever seen me or spoke to me NOT realize that I am mentally ill with depression how is it possible? I have a wonderful husband I have two beautiful children I have a job people would kill for and yet I am not happy, in fact I am miserable. I don't laugh, I don't smile, I have anger boiling inside me, and I talk to no one. My holiday pictures show a 39 year old woman hunched over like a 90 year old in extreme pain, no smiles to be seen throughout the two weeks, you can see the line lines etched in my face from grimaces, pain, and anger. Yet my own family doctor, a walk in clinic doctor that had me bawling in the room, a male pychiatrist, all with the opinion that since I am "obviously" well educated, well dressed, and well spoken that I "must" be fine. Well you know something I am screaming out for help and not getting it. My hubby ignores it, my Mom doesn't see it, and I have isolated myself so much from those around me t...

that know more than their mommies. argggg Yesterday I asked Alexis not to take her new costume jewelry to daycare. I said it could get lost or broken. But oh no, it had to go , cause mom doesn't know anything. Well guess what. When I pick her up at daycare yesterday, the necklace is broke, and somehow it is MY fault. Complete with stomping of foot and yelling on her part. One of the daycare workers pulled her aside and explained that that was just not done. So we get home, and all of a sudden her sore ankle is MY fault. Seems if she did not have to stomp it cause she was mad at me it wouldn't hurt her. arggggg Then I broke the news to her that skating class was filled up, we were on a waiting list, but should probably pick something else before every activity was filled. Huge temper tantrum, and of course it was MY fault. Seems if I hadn't been sicker than hell and in the doctors office friday with pnemonia that I could have picked up the activity guide on the day...

It is an unusal thing in my house, to be able to snuggle in bed and feel all warm and safe in the mornings. I typically have a kid that never sleeps so always had me awake long before I wanted to be awake. She has actually slept the majority of the last month and a half. I have of all things had to resort to setting an alarm clock. Can you believe it. Unbelievable. Due to the fact that in the last 6 years I have never had to use an alarm clock, I am not very good about remembering to set it at night. SO I have had a few really nice snuggable mornings in bed. Love them. I got daughter registered for a camp for the Christmas break. It is all physical activity. Tumbling, gymnastics, wall climbing, etc, so I think she will love it. I also registered in a basic photography course for October. Maybe it will help some. The KIDS KICKING and SCREAMING afternoon, (all about personal safety with strangers) was already booked. I think with daughter going to school this year that it w...

Well, I finally admit it. I am sick. Not a thing that is easy for me to admit. I hate sickness, weakness or anything associated with it. I finally gave in and went to the walkin clinic Friday morning. News was not good. The even worse news was that an antibiotic could fix it. What is bad about that is that my tummy and gastro lines cannot tolerate any kind of antibiotic. So although the phemonia is somewhat better (I still feel like I am drowning and having a heart attack), the sinues are breathable, down below is just a big mess. I cannot go far from the washroom at all. Not not a fun thing. I literally hate myself that I am in such a weakened condition that I cannot fight anything off. I hate it I hate it I hate it.

Well yesterday was a rough rough day. The whole world seemed in cahouts to get me yesterday. It is so upseting and unexpected that I cannot even go into details. It floored me that bad. My night just before bed though was made a whole hell of a lot better when my friend from Australia called. In 16 days she will be here to visit. That makes me so happy. With inpecable timing though she called as the two guys Benji and Travis were standing on SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE waiting to hear who had won. And I missed it. Oh well, Jenni is more important.

Well son went in to the hearing specialist for his check up yesterday. His last hearing test was above the line for all items, and there is no fluid behind his eardrums, and this doctor also thinks he is talking well for a 3 year old. This makes me very happy. Last night I tuck him into bed. And go into my room. Shortly after he comes running to my room. Mommy mommy something is wrong. Something is wrong. He is very upset and crying. I ask him what is wrong. He wips down his pajama bottoms and says its big, mommy, its big. OMG I almost died trying not to laught out loud. My little guy has only been out of diapers for a little while. He had his first hard on, and it scared him. I told him that it was OK that it was big and that if he went back to bed and to sleep by morning it would not be big anymore. Are you sure mommy? Yes a am sure sweetie. The poor little guy. Where is Daddy when I need him? Then being the good mom that I am, I go to another room and kill myself laugh...

This afternoon my three year old little boy gets his results back from his last round of hearing tests. I am a might bit anxious about it. He talked late, he has had lots of problems with fluid on his ears, bulging ear drums, not draining properly, and with all his allergies there is lots of fluid. We have been following this closely every couple of months for over two years now. Sometimes I think the doctors enjoy scaring us, but I know better. He had the test done in April, but it takes this long to get the results back. Gotta love our health care system. Although for his 3 year old check up with the GP she said he was talking very well for a 3 year old boy. That made me feel a little better. I compare him to his older sister (I know I shouldn't) but she was talking in perfectly understandable sentences by 18 months. I want to have a healthy, happy little guy. Well actually I want him to grow and gain so he is not quite so little either. Am I asking for too much. I h...

Must really be my month to have the lightbulb click on and have insights. I realized this month that if my live in man of 18 years has no value to marriage why would I ever want to marry him. I realized that I am truly alone in the world, and it is my fight to be fought. I realized that no matter how much I dislike something my kids have done I do love them. I realized that I absolutely hate alcohol. I realized that I have a jealous side to me. I realized that I would love not to have to work. I realized that I am a tougher bitch than I ever give myself credit for. I realized that having someone love you makes you feel better about yourself. I realized that I am a hell of a lot fatter viewed in pictures than I view myself. I realized that I really really want a quality camera. I realized that I would like a new computer for home. I realized that I still absolutely hate severe weather. It scares the crap out of me. I realized that I am me, and I do not have to justify that to anyone.

Read yesterdays blog and you will know that my DD had a punishment to stay in her room. She was eventually let out to join the family in the living room. Within five minutes she had kicked her little brother so hard that he actually went over on his side and ended up rolling over twice. Poor little ribs, and he scraped the heck out of his chin when it hit something. One of those scrapes that is oozy and yucky and sore. Poor little guy. Daughter gets banished back to her bedroom. I get the door slammed in my face with a huge scram of I hate you. I walked away. I was concerned that if I walked in I would not stop. Within five minutes she comes out and asks if I can fix her screen. Her what? Her screen. So I go in to check it out and find that she has put her head through the screen to the outside. WTH? The screen totally needs replaced now and it will not keep any bugs out at all. SO now her bedroom will be really hot. I praise her for telling me about it, and not hiding tha...

Well, it did not go as I expected it. It is the first time in my time as a parent that I had a child sleepover at my house with my daughter. The two angelic little girls that had played so well all envening, were tucked into their sleeping bags in the basement at 11:30 with a cheery goodnight, you can play quietly, watch TV or stay laying down. I went on my merry way to bed. Listened till after 12 and then went to sleep. Woke up at 2:30 to noises in the night that just did not belong. They destroyed the basement. Any thing that was not too heavy to carry was moved around. An absolutely huge huge huge mess. So they were put back in their sleeping bags and told not to move till morning. I went back to bed and could here them laughing about it till well after 3:30. My anger zone was to the point of having a heart attack. I am telling you. I could have wrung my daughters neck. So at nine this morning I called the other girls mom and had her come and pick her daughter up. I e...

If you would please click on the following link and then click on the logo a dollar will be donated to help. I apreciate it. http://fm-cfs.ca/click4charity.html

It has been a tough week for me, I have been "slapped" in the face so to speak by too many people this week. So here are some things I learned: 1) that cancer is not picky in who it chooses and who it takes, it is a killer 2) that not to trust is the best way 3) that if you do not try you will not succeed 4) even if you do try you may not succeed 5) that trying can be fun 6) that losing is not fun 7) people that you thought were your friends may not view themselves that way 8) I still HATE bored people (how can you be bored when there is so much that needs done) 9) I admire the people serving our country and other countries so much (I already new that) 10) that silly season in Nascar is in full swing and that sucks 11) that business has taken the enjoyment out of most games 12) that an apology made in earnest can be thrown back in your face 13) not to park on a drain in the middle of torental downpour 14) that I still am terrified of severe weather 15) that sometimes I almos...

I am not good at saying good bye too many people have left me in my lifetime. Today though there are two funerals on opposite sides of the world. Ev is being buried today. She was a wonderful woman, the Mom of my husbands best friend. The whole community will come out to the community centre to say goodbye. I cannot force myself to go. Carrie Lynne's Dad is being intered today in the Philipines. She was his nurse and at his bedside for the last few months doing everything she could to ease his passing. Both of these people taken from us way too soon because of cancer. I went to DQ today and bought a blizzard. It is a donation to the Childrens Miracle Network. It will help. Every penny does. Another friend is celebrating her sons 3 birthday today as well as mourning the fact that his twin is not celebrating his third birthday. What does a person even say except give hugs. I hurt for these three people that were left motherless, fatherless, and lost a child and a brother. My ...

Have I ever said that I am Canadian. Sometimes I am so very very proud to be Canadian. Our flag, red and white with a maple leaf in the middle. Looking through a CANADIAN scrapbooking magazine last night, a layout in the mag had the flag with the red stripes on the top and bottom rather than the red stripes on the sides. It was a Canadian Magazine. I do not think the layout should have been published with the flag defaced. The uproar over our national anthem ticks me off to no end. There is a line in it that says "our home and native land", well a bunch of immigrants think that it is discriminatory. They want it changed. That sucks completely. You come to our country cause it is better than yours for whatever reason but you want to bring all the things that make your country bad with you. That makes no sense to me. We have lost way to many soldiers in Afganastan in the last little while. A proud proud father was being interviewed in Edmonton recently. Asked if he was...

I entered a contest for last scrapper standing here is my entry. From the outside looking in we are the perfect family. Mom Dad daughter and son. A perfect family. But from the outside looking in you do not see what goes on behind closed doors. You do not see the physical pain endured on a daily basis by Mom and Dad. You do not see the frustration expressed when Mom is tired from pain and working and being a single parent. You do not see the tears and sadness when Daddy leaves every Monday for a week away at work. You do not see the loneliness. You do not see the sleepless nights the daughter suffers. You do not see the terrible two temper tantrums by the son. You do not see the Dad drinking way too much. You do not see the daughter struggling with issues of separation anxiety and growing up. You do not see the son struggling to gain weight and battle allergies. You do not see Mom struggling with depression. You do not see the anger that consumes Dad from having too much to do. You do ...

Well somehow my darling hubby managed to break TWO tierod ends on Friday on TWO different work trucks. The chances of that are just totally off the wall. So he did not make it home. On top of that Daughter was having her first sleepover with a friend, and son was having his first ever sleepover at Grandmas. First time in over 6 years I have had no kids in my house at night the first time. And hubby cannot even make it home. No justice in that. An adult night with no kids does not happen often. My long term friend called, out of the blue and decided to grab a movie and come over. We sat on the couch and talked, and chatted, and watched the movie. IT was so nice. We can go months with out seeing each other and then just pick up where we left off. I love ya. I need you in my life. It poured, absolutely poured rain on Friday. I did not even take my car out of the garage to go to the RocknRedDeer Super Run. Stayed home warm and dry and enjoyed the movie and a friend. Saturda...

A challenge to name 20 things about my hubby. Good things too. 1) He is a wonderful father 2) He cooks great ribs for me 3) He is always washing dishes 4) He does all the grocery shopping 5) He values my scrapbooking 6) He tells me I am one great F _ _ _ 7) He loves my boobs 8) He puts up with my moods 9) He washes my car for me 10) He is always telling me not to be so hard on myself 11) He waxes my car 12) He tells me to spend stuff for myself 13) He tries so hard to be a good provider 14) He is fantastic in bed 15) He likes to keep me on my toes 16) The way he makes me laugh 17) He gave me my nickname 18) He is very encouraging 19) His use of the word ditto 20) When he buys me flowers

I have a problem. Not a slight problem. But an overwhelming problem. In fact I am overwhelmed. It is to the point that there is so much stuff that HAS to be done that I cannot even wrap my brain around where to start. This has taken over my home life and has recently invaded its way into my work life. I just cannot seem to do anything. I start one thing, see something else that needs done, and go over there to do it, then see something else, and go over there. Hense anything started is not ever finished. AND many many too many things are not even started that have to be. I manage to do the musts, get food in my body, dressed, hair combed and the same with the kids but that is about it. I am struggling so so so much. I mentioned this phenonoma to my Doctor last week and her brilliant comment was it has to do with my depression. Ya think. ????? I know the logical thing to do is pick one thing and stick to it until it is done but the snowball just keeps getting bigger and bigger an...

THis is an extravaganza think cruisin till you die and are in heaven. Over 750 vehichles come from all over and invade Red Deer. The official registration your vehicle must be pre-1975 vintage but on top of that there are tons of cars in town that are not officially registered and are just cruizing around. For a car girl it is heaven. Tonight is our normal Thursday night cruizn where we usually get around 50 - 70 vehicles. I would not be surprised if that is doubled tongiht. Tomorrow night the main street downtown is taken over for the cruise. Kinda not a cruise as we are all parked walking around but you get the drift. If you are interested check out the site: http://www.rocknreddeer.com/ Please hope that the weather is nice and nothing severe happens. Every car owners nightmare when there is no place to go.

My little man that usually sleeps so well, decided last night that he was scared of the ghosts in the house. Not quite sure where this came from. Oh yeah right, that would have come from his six year old sister. arggg. He would not sleep in his room, he tosses and turns so much my room was out, tried the living room, that didn't work either, finally put himin his sisters room. There is justice in this world. But for a little one that usually sleeps 11 - 12 hours his five hours or less made for one grumpy little boy this morning. I went to a fibromylagia/arthritis support meeting last night. A quest speaker was there about yoga. I have always been interested in yoga so thought I would go and hear her out. 3/4 of the entire talk was about her resume, not about the actual yoga or restorative yoga. So that was a real let down. We did a couple of different breathing things and boy do I breathe shallow. Big breaths hurt too much. Would I join, maybe but not her class. I nee...

Actually two chapters in my life are ended. And I am upset about both of them and know that I shouldn't be but I am. Chapter 1: No more breastfeeding Well I knew it had to happen but I was not prepared for it. Son stopped nursing. Saturday morning he crawled in bed with me and we shared our special time together and then he has not been interested ever since. Taking into account that I have been pregnant or breastfeeding since October of 1999 I should be ready to have my body back. But I just mentally am not. It makes me sad. Maybe I really wasn't ready not to have any more babies. Maybe I still mourn the one I never had the chance to have. But seven years of my life, is a large percentage of it. And now the chapter is closed. Now I can go get a good bra fitting done. My girls can stand up and be proud. They can go back to being solely sex objects, maybe getting my body back means I can finally break the 210 mark and loose more weight. I seemed to be stuck there ...